by Nikki Amare | May 10, 2019 | Musings
With this move I keep finding myself asking the same questions over and over again. Where on Earth did this come from? Why do we even have this? Do we really need to keep this? I’ve also found a lot of things I didn’t know we had or thought we had gotten rid of years ago.
That’s the problem with having too much stuff, you don’t know what you have. How can you appreciate the things you have if there is so much it’s impossible to keep track of everything?
As I’ve gotten older I realize I’m a minimalist at heart. Having a lot of stuff doesn’t make me happy, it makes me want to pull my hair out because I hate clutter. I would rather have a few quality items, things that make me happy or that mean something to me. I would rather be able to display a single piece of art that brings joy to my life than to have a gallery full of pieces just to say I have them.
I cleaned out my closet a few months ago and got rid of almost everything I owned. Even some things I loved—my favorite pair of jeans, that comfy t-shirt I’ve had since high school that was faded and had a few small holes—because none of them fit and while I’m still losing weight and hope to continue to do so holding on to things that I might fit into some day is silly. If I get back to the weight I want to be then I’ll buy new clothes. I figure if I’ve been able to loose that much weight then I deserve a few new things.
I used to buy shoes all the time. I love shoes and have since I was a teenager. I was one of those girls who wore a different pair almost every day. A few months ago I donated over fifty pairs of shoes. I have fifteen pairs now. That’s tennis shoes, boots, sandals, and two pair of dress shoes. And honestly I could probably get rid of a few more since these days I usually wear the same four or five pairs most days. I never really wear the dress shoes but I know as soon as I get rid of them I’ll need them for something and I hate shopping so I’ll keep the ones I have since I know they’re somewhat comfortable. The only reason I kept two pair is because one is black and one is brown. I figure that covers all my bases.
The other thing I’ve started to realize… comfort trumps everything else with me. If it’s not comfortable then I don’t care how cute it is or how great it might look on me. Life is too short to be uncomfortable. Now I’m not saying wear yoga pants and baggy t-shirts all the time. Although there is nothing wrong with that if it makes you happy then I say go for it, I wear my fair share of yoga pants and baggy shirts after all. But why is it that women are taught that beauty is pain? Wearing shoes that have my feet aching after an hour isn’t worth it to me, no matter how cute they are. It’d rather wear my Crocs. They might not be the height of fashion but they’re comfortable. I mostly use mine as my around the house shoes because they’re easy to slip on and off, but I’ve also worn them out and about.
I’ve realized I want a house, a life, where I can account for everything in it and be able to really appreciate the things I have. That’s what it all boils down to for me… Appreciating what we have and not taking things for granted. I’ve taken too many things for granted over the years and it’s only now, looking back, that I realize it and it makes me sad.
by Nikki Amare | Apr 24, 2019 | Musings
Before I buy something these days I stop and think: Do I really need this and What will happen to it if I decide to get rid of it sometime down the road? Meaning, can it be passed on to someone else to use for years to come or will it end up in a landfill somewhere where it will remain for the next thousand plus years?
Since we’re currently getting rid of a lot of stuff so we can move we’re realizing we have a lot of junk. And by junk I mean things we bought because they were cheap. Things we’ve ended up having to replace at least once already. We’ve always had a tight budget and buying things like new furniture isn’t something we can do on a whim. It’s something we have to decide on and then spend a year or two saving in order to be able to afford.
Most of the things we’ve bought in the last twenty years is broken or poorly made or at least it seems that way. That’s most of the stuff we’re getting rid of. The things we’re keeping are things that belonged to his parents, his grandparents, my parents, my grandparents, etc. Things that were well made and have been around for fifty years and will probably be around in another fifty. They are dishes that look brand new even though they’ve been used at every meal for the last fifty years. They are furniture pieces that look like they just came off of a showroom floor and are as solid as they come.
The pieces we’re keeping are all well made and vintage. Our kitchen table and chairs are a midcentury modern set that was given to us several years ago. Our entertainment center is a midcentury modern piece that Hubby grew up with. The grandfather clock matches the entertainment center. The bedroom suit belonged to Hubby’s parents and again is midcentury modern.
While the couch we bought a year after I moved in with him, back before we were married, is falling apart. It’s uncomfortable and we’ve tried everything to fix the cushions but nothing seems to work for more than a few weeks at most. We’ve finally stopped trying. It wasn’t super expensive, but it’s Italian leather and wasn’t exactly cheap either. But things just aren’t made to last these days.
Once we finally get moved and get the new house built we plan to furnish it with quality pieces that will last for the rest of our lives. Since we both really love the midcentury modern style we would love to find a couch and a couple other things to compliment the pieces we already have. We’ll be searching local secondhand stores and antique shops.
We are fine with taking our time to find the right pieces. The ones that we both love. Even if it means spending a little more money. Even if we have to take the time to save a bit more. Because we’ve realized that quality really is important and worth the price.
by Nikki Amare | Apr 16, 2019 | Musings
Once I started having to be more mindful of my environment, once I started paying attention to the things that effected my health, I started to notice other things as well. Like how much waste we produce. We buy things in plastic bottles and plastic packaging that go straight into the recycling bin. We buy things that are disposable instead of things we can wash and reuse.
A few years ago I got tired of always being out of paper napkins and paper towels. Every time I turned around I was having to buy them. So I bought a bag of rags from the hardware store and I started using those around the house to clean up messes and things. Where I normally would have grabbed a paper towel I reached for the rags instead. They weren’t anything fancy. Nor did they cost a lot. But because of those two things it was easier for me to use them without worrying about getting them dirty.
Then I bought a couple cloth napkins. I got the fancy kind that have a sheen to them and are what you normally see in fancy restaurants. We used them but neither Hubby or I really liked them. I found a two pack of plain white cotton napkins at Walmart for something like $2.00 USD. I bought two packs and those are what we have used ever since. I’ve bought a few more sets over the last two years but the original ones are still in great shape and are used often. I have a a small tub with a lid by my kitchen sink and when we get done using the napkins they go into that tub. Once the tub is full I pour a little bleach into it and add water and then let them set overnight and in the morning I throw them into the washing machine along with my load of whites. Since Sunday is laundry day anyway it’s not a big deal.
One of the more recent changes I’ve made is to get rid of disposable razors. Instead of buying a pack of those plastic razors with multiple blades every few months, I bought a stainless steel safety razor and a pack of blades that will probably last me for the next five years at least. The razor will no doubt last for the rest of my life and then some, but I figure I’ll have to buy a pack of razors every five to ten years depending on how big the pack and how often I use them.
I have sensitive skin so shaving has been one of those things I dreaded doing because I always had to deal with razorburn afterwards. Since I started using the safety razor I haven’t had a single case of razorburn and I find I cut myself a lot less than I used to. I still have one spot just below my right knee that I make bleed on a regular occasion but that’s more because of the weird bump there than the razor. I’ve cut myself so many times over the years I have a faint scar.
I was talking to someone the other day about this and they rolled their eyes. Then they proceeded to lay out all of the reasons why “going green” wouldn’t work for them. They’re too busy. They don’t have the money. It just doesn’t work with their lifestyle. Etc. Etc. Etc.
The thing is, I’ve saved a lot of money over the years by not buying disposable things. Since it’s just Hubby and I (and the dog) we don’t have a ton of laundry so I typically do laundry once a week. On Sundays I wash all of our clothes and usually the towels as well. If I don’t get the towel done or if have blankets and things to wash then I’ll end up doing laundry on Monday as well. My loads are a little bigger than they used to be, but it doesn’t really take me anymore time to do laundry now than it did before I stopped buying paper products. And like I said, that two dollar investment is still being used two years later. How many packs of napkins or rolls of paper towels would I have had to buy in that time?
You don’t need to buy the new “it” product or the most expensive brand name. Buy something that is good quality and with function in the way you need it to. Or, if you know how to sew (something I plan to learn one day in the near future) you can take a day and sew your own. After I bought my razor I found a really cool old one online that made me wish I would have waited.
I think my generation and younger generations really need to be more aware of how we live. For too long we, as a society, have had the disposable mindset. Everything is replaceable. I think we need to start thinking about the future and how the little things we do can make a big difference. I admit it takes a change of mindset but I think it’s worth it in the end.
by Nikki Amare | Apr 11, 2019 | Musings
One of the pieces of writing advice I see a lot is: Write Every Day. If you want to be a serious writer then you have to write every day.
While I agree you have to write consistently, I disagree that you must write every day or that you must meet a specific word count. For some of us that’s not feasible and trying to abide by those “rules” only leads to frustration and guilt.
I have a chronic illness. Writing every day isn’t possible for me. There are days when I barely have the energy to get out of bed. Those days can sometimes end up turning into weeks of extreme fatigue where my body just shuts down and I‘m lucky if I can stay awake for more than four hours a day. It’s not a matter of being lazy or of not being serious about my writing, it’s that I’m physically not capable of doing much of anything during those times.
The thing is, I’ve struggled for year with this condition but it wasn’t until last year that it was diagnosed. So for years I had doctors telling me there wasn’t anything wrong and so I would push myself and push myself thinking if I could just do a little more then it would be easier tomorrow. But it wasn’t. Often times, it was harder the next time because I wasn’t allowing myself to rest when I needed. I’ve since learned to listen to my body more. To pay attention to what it’s trying to tell me. I nap a lot. Most days I end up taking a nap in the afternoon for an hour or two. Before I would have fought to stay awake even knowing I was going to end up paying for it later. Now, I stop and take a nap when I get tired and it allows me to get more done because I’m not exhausted and walking around in a fog for the rest of the day.
Putting myself and my health above other things hasn’t been easy. I’m one of those who tends to take care of everyone else first and then I might worry about myself. I’m trying to do better but it’s still a process.
Like everything else, the way I write has had to change. I’ve never been good at having a daily word count, because if I missed it one time then I would spend the next week, or even month, beating myself up over not making that goal. I mean, I’ve already written several books so doing three thousand words a day shouldn’t be a problem. Back in the early days I was doing twenty thousand a day easily and consistently. The first book I sold to a publisher was 125,000 words and I wrote that baby in seven days. I of course then spent the next month editing it but the first draft was written in a frenzied week of crazy inspiration. My favorite story and the only one to get me a five star review from a USA Today reviewer was a novella that was around thirty-five thousand words. It was written in a single day.
I can no longer do that amount of writing in a single sitting. For many reasons but mostly my health. Those books were written in the early days of my symptoms when I was mostly healthy and had more energy and less brain fog to deal with.
These days, I’ve gotten in the habit of writing in blocks. I owe myself eight hours of writing a week. That’s it. Some will say that’s not enough time if I want to be a serious writer. And in reality I often do more than that a week, but even when I’m having a bad week (something that’s happening less as I’m learning to manage my condition) I can get eight hours done. I might have to break it up in to ten minute chunks, but it’s doable… FOR ME. See the important part isn’t meeting some one else’s version of what is acceptable or their idea of the “proper way” it’s to find what works for you. If you write consistently, if you keep at it, then eventually you’re going to have a book.
Find your own pace. Figure out what works for you. Just write.
How the story gets written isn’t important. What’s important is that it does.
by Nikki Amare | Apr 4, 2019 | Musings
Yesterday I had an eye doctor’s appointment. Every year for as long as I can remember I’ve had to get my eyes checked. I started wearing glasses in second grade, then I had a growth spurt in fourth grade and my eyes changed enough I didn’t need them anymore. Then I had another growth spurt in sixth grade and was back to needing glasses, but I managed to convince my mom contacts were better. So I’ve been wearing glasses or contacts most of my life. Since I prefer contacts I usually wear them, but the last couple of years I’ve been wearing my glass more even though they are an older prescription. They weren’t too far off from what my contacts were so I thought it would be fine.
Apparently I was wrong.
I got a bit of a lecture and was told I needed to get a new pair of glasses because wearing my old prescription has strained my eyes and worsened my vision. He suggested—not for the first time—that I’d be an ideal candidate for Lasik eye surgery. But since my prescription just changed I’ll have to wait another two years before I’d be able to have it done. According to the pamphlet he gave me it says your prescription has to be unchanged for at least three years to be eligible.
Once we get moved I’d like to look into it though. Not having to wear glasses or contacts all the time would be great. In the mean time, however, I’m going to have to order new glasses. Part of the reason I always put it off is that glasses are so expensive. And another is that they never have frames I like. I like the pair I have now but they won’t let me use my frames. Something about liability if they break them since they wouldn’t be able to replace them.
So for now I’ll wear my contacts while I start the hunt for new frames. But at least I can see clearly again, so there’s that.
