Lately, I’ve been trying to push myself and my husband outside of our comfort zones. I’m guilty of going to a restaurant and ordering the same thing, or same few things, every time. Not to mention, we usually go to the same ten restaurants when we do go out to eat—which admittedly isn’t all that often.
Last week was my anniversary. Hubby and I always treat ourselves to a nice dinner on our anniversary. And again, we have like three nice restaurants we save for this occasion. But it’s always the same three. Well, this year I decided we were going to do something different.
At first he wasn’t so sure. Their prices are a little on the higher side. And what if we don’t like it? But I always start putting money back so we can have our anniversary dinner without having to worry about blowing our budget, so the money factor wasn’t a good excuse. As for the other thing, I knew there was a chance we wouldn’t like it, but it was a place we’ve been saying for years we should try and I was tired of the whole “one day” thing. That day was now!
So after some convincing, I finally talked him into giving it a shot. And guess what?
We both wish we would have gone a lot sooner. It wasn’t a cheap dinner, but we both felt we got our monies worth. Especially, once you take into account that we ended up bringing over half of it home. The portions were big enough we were able to get three meals out of what we ordered. And that’s without adding anything else to the leftovers and we were both full after each one. Hubby is already talking about going back in a few months. We’ll probably be more strategic with our ordering the next time though. That way we won’t have to bring so much food home with us.
We’re also trying new recipes at home instead of eating the same things over and over.
But it’s not just with food that I’m trying new things.
I’ve also been trying to find new-to-me authors or reading in genres and sub-genres I don’t normally read in. I’m taking new online classes for things I think I might like. I’m listening to new podcasts and I’m planning to start doing yoga at least three days a week. As soon as I can find an app or video series I like because going to a studio or gym is out of the question. Not only because I don’t want to pay for things like that when I can do it at home for free, but also because I am horrible with schedules. I always try to make a schedule and then stick to it, but I never do. Then I end up feeling like I somehow failed because I can’t stick to a schedule. Well, it’s taken me several years, but I’ve finally embraced the fact that I’m just not wired that way. I can do routines, but not if they’re too structured. Too much structure makes me feel like I’m suffocating.
This is also the reason I don’t have a daily word count goal to hit.
We have to stretch, in order to grow. We have to try new things to find what works best for us… to learn more about ourselves. I know not everything new we try will be a big hit. I know that we will try things that we don’t like or that one of us doesn’t like. But even when that happens I don’t think either of us will regret having tried.
What new things have you tried lately? What things would you like to try?
Last week I wrote about the roller coaster of writing. This week I think I’ll tackle something that pertains to life in general, as much as it pertains to writing.
It’s when life happens.
When you’re going along, doing your thing, and then life throws you a curveball. It might be something as innocuous as getting a flat tire on the way to work and realizing that you forgot to charge your cell phone last night so you can’t call for help. Now, this scenario might throw off your whole day because now you’re going to be late, you might get yelled at, and you’re going to have to work through lunch to get that project finished by the end of the day.
Or, it might be something more important, something that can change the rest of your life. The death of a loved one, a life threatening illness or injury, a house fire, or a million other things that can throw your world off of its axel.
The thing is, we have to figure out how to go on, how to adjust to the new reality. We have to learn to focus on the things we can control and let the rest play out as it will. As much as some of us would like to believe otherwise, we have very little control over life. It’s not easy to let things go, to not worry about them, but worrying and stressing doesn’t do any good.
This is something I’ve really been working on this year. It’s so easy to get caught up on the minutia of things that we lose the bigger picture.
I find that social media is one of the things that I have to step away from often. While I love being able to connect with other likeminded people online I have to do so in moderation. I’m not someone who thrives on drama and so when things seem to be going that way I tend to step away. I know I’m not the only person who feels that way.
As a writer, the stuff happening around us can have a big impact on our mental state. Which can then have a big impact on our writing. I’m not one of those authors who can write when I’m sad or upset. I have to be happy to write. Therefore, stress and drama don’t work with my writing life. Which is one of the reasons I do my best to avoid it.
But what happens when you can’t avoid it?
There’s a lot going on in the indie publishing community this last month and it has spawned a lot of drama. And while I’d like nothing more than to just avoid social media until it passes, this isn’t something that I can really afford to ignore. It’s important. Not only to indie publishing, but to the publishing community as a whole. It could have wide reaching consequences and since I am someone who prefers to be well informed, I’ve been following things closely. But I’ve started to limit my sources down to the two or three that have been reporting on things but without all the drama. I’m very much a “just the facts ma’am” kind of gal.
I’ve still spent too much time reading court documents and transcripts, but it allows me to stay informed without being overwhelmed. I’m controlling what I can and I’m letting the rest play out as it will.
It’s all I really can do. It’s all any of use can do. As writers we can’t control the retailers, we can’t control readers, we can’t control social media sites, the one thing we can control is the stories. So do what you need to do in order to be able to keep putting words on the page. To be able to keep telling the stories. Change is inevitable. That’s as true for publishing as it is for anything else. The platform might change, the format might change, the popular genre or trope might change, but if you continue to tell stories that your readers love, then that’s all that matters. Instead of stressing about the things you can’t control, focus on what you can.
I can’t believe it’s already the end of May. This year has been such a busy year for me already. And in addition to everything else going on I’ve decided to throw starting a new writing career into the mix. Hubby says I’m a glutton for punishment at times. In this he might be right. But don’t tell him. I wouldn’t want it to go to his head. LOL.
One thing I’ve learned is that it takes a lot of work to simplify your life, to go through everything and decide what’s important and what isn’t. But I know once we’re done, we will both be happier in the end and that’s all that really matters. While it might not be easy, it is important for many reasons.
This year is all about building the life we want. For me, writing just happens to be part of that life. I love reading and I love conjuring up worlds and characters from the spark of an idea. There is nothing at all like taking this vague idea for a story… a character… a world, and turning it into a book. It is a magical process. One that is fulfilling in a way that is hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself. I know a lot of authors compare it to having children, but since I’ve never had children I wouldn’t know. I guess it too is one of those things that’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.
The process of putting words on the page can be hard and frustrating and emotional at times. It’s like a roller coaster where you get on all excited about the thrilling ride ahead. With each clack as it climbs to the top you get a little more excited. Then you crest that hill and the car suddenly drops and you throw your arms up enjoying the ride as you race at breakneck speeds toward the end. Only then you realize the track levels out so the thrilling ride of moments before has become boring and a bit tedious, or it stalls altogether, and you start questioning why you got on the ride in the first place. Other times there’s suddenly a wall in your way and you have to figure out to get rid of the way so you can continue the ride.
And just about the time you’re thinking about just jumping out of the cart—since it’s going at a snails pace and is no longer fun—the track suddenly curves and you realize the slow ride was actually a slow and steady climb. So while you thought you weren’t making any progress and that it was silly to get on this ride in the first place, you were actually climbing higher and higher it just wasn’t the steep climb of before. But when you round that curve, you find yourself suddenly dropping at a faster speed than even before, but this time you see the end in sight and you noticed the fun loop-to-loops and the corkscrews and the splash pool ahead.
And you remember why you love this particular roller coaster.
So once it comes to a stop and you get out, you hurry to get back in line, excited to ride it again and again. Knowing the ride is never exactly like the one before, but the end result is always the same. No matter how good or bad, if you ride it until the end you will have a book.
I took a few years off from writing this particular roller coaster, but I’ve missed it and so here I am standing in line again, waiting for my turn to ride.
With my current WIP (work in progress) I’m still in the going downhill a breakneck speed phase of things. I know the boring part is going up fast and that all I’ve got to do is write through it so I can get to the good parts that await me ahead.
I also know that no matter what I’ll end up rewriting large sections of this book before all is said and done. The first chapter is pretty much a given. I never know how to start a book and I often find that simply deleting that first chapter altogether makes it better. But I need that horrible first chapter to get me started, to work out in my head who my character is and what exactly it is they want. See, I’m what the call a pantser. That’s what they call writers who write without an outline, also known as writing by the seat of your pants. Hence the name. Although, I prefer to call myself an organic writer. I organically let the story unfold by listening to my instincts and my characters. I’m not always right and I admit I end up doing a lot of rewriting and revising before a book is ready, but I would bet that I probably spend about as much time revising and rewriting as a plotter does plotting out their book. The only difference is that I don’t have any preconceived ideas about what my storyline is going to be. I’m not trying to force my characters to do X, Y, and Z because I think that’s what should happen. Instead, I let my characters dictate what happens.
I trust that I’ve read enough books and that I’ve written enough and studied enough, to know what a good story is and what it isn’t. I might not be able to break it all down into things like acts or beats or whatever. I might not be able to tell you why it works. But knowing the why of things doesn’t mean I don’t understand them. I don’t have to know how to sing to know a good song when I hear it. And just because I can’t sing, doesn’t, mean that I couldn’t write a song myself. Not being able to carry a tune also doesn’t stop me from singing—just ask Hubby’s poor tortured ears—but that’s neither here nor there. My point is, I don’t have to be able to explain why a book is good to know that I like it and it’s that very same thing that lets me know when my own writing is ready to be released.
I’ve found that most of the times when I have an issue with a scene or a section of the book, it’s because, for whatever reason, I stopped listening to my instincts. Those are usually the places were I begin to think I know what’s going to happen and where it’s going. And almost every time I start thinking that… I’m wrong.
For me, I have to write from my subconscious and not my conscious mind. Because my conscious mind is worrying about more things than just writing the best story I can. It’s worrying about things like marketability, cover art, release dates, branding, etc., etc., etc. None of which matters until you actually write the book. It’s only when I get out of my own way and stop thinking that the magic happens.
So here’s to riding roller coasters and getting out of your own way.
*Writing is a very personal process. My way of doing things is just that, MINE. If you want to be a writer, then you need to figure out what works for you and don’t worry about “doing it right”. There is no right or wrong way, as long as you get the words on the page then nothing else matters.
data-animation-override> “Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.”
I recently picked up a book by a new to me author, Lexi Blake. I read the first one and then realized there was an entire other series leading up to this one, so I had to go back and start at the beginning.
So I picked up book one in her Masters & Mercenaries Series, The Dom Who Loved Me. This book is about Sean Taggart and Grace Hawthorne. I fell in love with these characters and the writing of Ms. Blake. She has a way of drawing you in and keeping you there from the first page to the last.
There are currently sixteen books in the series with almost as many novellas. (Something I didn’t realize until recently) I just finished the last book in the main series and will be going back to read the many novellas now.
There are other series, including a multi-author crossover series, that tie into the main one. A new tie-in series will be coming in August. It’s called Masters & Mercenaries: The Forgotten. I look forward to reading the new series, as well as her other books.
If you like a good storyline, strong characters, well-written sex scenes, and plenty of action, then you’ll like Lexi Blake. Be sure to stop by her website http://www.lexiblake.net to check out her books and sign up for her newsletter.
The last two week there hadn’t been a blog post because our U-verse was down and since I got rid of my smartphone last year, I didn’t have any way to get online. Well, I guess I could have lugged my desktop to Barnes and Noble to use their internet but it seemed like more hassle than it was worth. Although, it might have been fun to see the looks on people’s faces. Could you image? LOL
Having no internet or television meant I got a lot done around the house. You know, all of those things that I’d been meaning to do but just could never find the time for. I also got a lot of reading done and quite a bit of writing as well. I’m still behind on where I would like to be with my writing schedule though, but having that extra time was nice. I’m starting to get back into a routine which helps.
Hubby and I also spent a lot of quality time together. Something we haven’t done nearly enough of in the last few years.. We’ve been together a long time and it’s easy to find yourself in a rut. We don’t have children so it’s not like we have to plan a date night to be alone. But I’ve started to realize that we still need the occasional date night, so to speak. It doesn’t have to be an actual date, but we need to make time to be together away from the television, computers, and other distractions. A time where the two of us can just talk and reconnect with one another.
Supper time has become my favorite part of the day. Until recently we always ate on the couch while watching television. About a month ago we started eating at the kitchen table where we can just talk without the distraction of technology. It’s a short time each day where we can talk about whatever is on our mind or share with one another something new. It seems so simple and yet changing that one little thing has made a difference. For both of us.
Too much of our lives have become about technology in some way or another. While I require technology to work, I’m going to try to spend less time online or sitting in front of a television and more time reconnecting with Hubby.
I’m starting to think maybe we should unplug the internet on occasion. Maybe one weekend a month? Do you have times when you put down the electronics, turn off the internet, and just unplug for a bit?
I’ve never been supermodel thin, nor do I ever want to be. And while I’m actively trying to lose weight this year, I won’t be going on a diet. See, I don’t believe in diets. I know that Keto is the new thing and I hear a lot of people have had great results from the diet, but dieting isn’t for me.
Now, you might be asking why I’m against dieting. The answer is: I’m not really. If dieting works for you, then go for it. But for me, dieting is a sure way to make myself feel bad. One thing all diets have in common is deprivation. They deprive you of fats, sugars, carbs, gluten, etc., etc., etc. Deprivation might work in the short term, but if you tell me I can’t have something then the only thing I’m going to want is the thing I can’t have. It’s not a very flattering character trait, but there you go. This is why diets don’t work, and will never work, for me.
Instead of dieting, I’m just being more conscience of what I eat and when I eat it. I’m also trying to eat more often, which might sound silly but in doing these small things I’ve lost fifteen pounds since January. If I want fried chicken, then I eat fried chicken. I’ll just make sure that the next really unhealthy meal is at least a month away. I now plan out my naughty days. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have other things that have been deemed “not good for you” between my naughty days. I do. I just have smaller portions. But I’m not depriving myself of anything.
Another change we’ve made recently is eating at the kitchen table. Hubby and I used to always eat on the couch while watching television. Since it’s just the two of us it was easy to fall into that habit. We have realized that we eat less sitting at the table. I don’t know why this is, but it is.
We’ve also started eating earlier than we used to and eating around the same time every day. This wasn’t possible with Hubby’s old job since his hours changed every night and we never knew what they were going to be until his boss called.
I’ve also cut back on the hours I spend sitting in front of a computer. But not only that, I’m also making it a point to move more. Even if that is just me pacing the kitchen while I talk on the phone or wait for my tea to steep.
See, I look at it as a lifestyle change. Because it’s not only what foods I put in my body, but a combination of a lot of things that go into creating a more healthy lifestyle. But again, I’m not depriving myself of anything, I’m just more careful about monitoring when I have those things that I know aren’t good for me. It’s about moving more, sleeping better, and building a lifestyle. One where I can indulge when I want to without guilt.
I’ve never worried about the number on the scale or the size of my pants. Those things never mattered to me or defined who I am. I know that’s not true for everyone. I know that some people struggle with their weight or think there is something wrong with them if they aren’t a certain dress size. For those people, I say, “Love yourself. Who you are isn’t determined by those things. Some people aren’t meant to be a size two. We are all different, so embrace your uniqueness and find the size that feels right for you. The one where you can eat those things you love without guilt or shame. Where you can get rid of the scale and be happy with what you see when you look in the mirror.”
For me, my size isn’t about a number, it’s about the way I feel. At the size I am now, I feel overweight and it’s having a negative effect on my health. I would like to lose another forty pounds, give or take. Not because of some societal view of what women should look like or anything, but simply because that was a weight I felt good at.
I think we, as a society, are too focused on physical looks, instead of focusing on the things that really matter… A person’s heart.
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